Hi there, and welcome back to another month of LWC Therapies - the newsletter diving into my most recent interests related to the field of mental health counseling, mediation, and collaborative law. If you’re new here, my name is Reese Wells and I am a licensed mental health counselor and trained Mental Health Professional Neutral for Collaborative Law. I am based in Asheville, NC. You can learn more about me and my practice at reesewells.com.

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This American Divorce

In our modern society, we are often conditioned to expect the divorce process as a zero-sum game, an adversarial system where for one person to win, another must lose. This is a sad (and expensive) approach to one of life’s most difficult and vulnerable transitions.

But in the past 30 years a movement has been gaining momentum. It is an approach to the divorce transition that prioritizes dignity, emotional health, and the long-term well-being of your family. It is called Collaborative Law, and it’s our subject for today.

What is Collaborative Law in North Carolina?

Collaborative Law is a voluntary legal process where couples agree to resolve their disputes—including child custody, alimony, and asset division—without ever stepping foot in a courtroom (N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-70). It is a "win-win" negotiation framework designed to lower the "allostatic load" (the wear and tear on your body and mind) that typically accompanies high-conflict litigation.

The movement started with a single frustrated lawyer named Stuart Webb in Minneapolis. After years of traditional litigation, Webb realized that the adversarial nature of the court system often destroyed families rather than helping them transition. He decided he would no longer go to court. He began practicing what he called "Collaborative Law," where the sole purpose of the legal representation was to reach a settlement.

One of the key differences in Collaborative Law is its Disqualification Clause. Both lawyers and their clients sign a contract stating that if the process breaks down and the parties decide to go to court, both lawyers must withdraw. This ensures that everyone—lawyers included—is professionally and financially incentivized to find a solution rather than "winning" a fight.

In the mid-90s, practitioners in California expanded Webb’s legal-only framework into a Team Model. They recognized that divorce isn't just a legal problem; it’s a financial and emotional one. This version added:

Neutral Financial Professionals to handle asset division.
Mental Health Professional (MHP) Neutrals (also known as Divorce Coaches) to manage communication and emotions.
Child Specialists to give the children a voice without putting them on the witness stand.

The Power of the Neutral: Why a Mental Health Professional?

One of the most unique aspects of this process is the inclusion of a Mental Health Professional (MHP) Neutral. In my work as an MHP Neutral, I don't act as a therapist for either spouse. Instead, I serve as a communication coach and a grounded presence for the entire family system.

Research consistently shows that hiring a MHP for Collaborative Divorce leads to resulting legal and financial agreements that are more stable, more comprehensive, and more satisfying for both parties. Why? We are trained to observe patterns of interaction and emotional attachments that might be invisible to the untrained eye of a strictly legal process. By facilitating non-attacking, non-defensive modes of communication, we help ensure that the legal team stays focused on solutions rather than escalating into the zero-sum fight of a court battle.

Here are some of the Main Benefits of Having an MHP Neutral in Collaborative Law Cases:

Regulating the Nervous System: Divorce often activates a "fight or flight" response. A neutral professional helps de-escalate these moments, allowing for clearer, more logical decision-making.
The Voice of the Child: We often act as a neutral child specialist, ensuring the children's developmental needs remain a focus of the parenting plan.
Efficiency: By handling the emotional heavy lifting of the divorce meetings, we allow attorneys to focus on their legal expertise. This can often save families both time and money.

Frequently Asked Questions About Collaborative Law

How is Collaborative Law different from Mediation?

In mediation, a single neutral party helps you negotiate. In Collaborative Law, you have a full support team. Each spouse has their own attorney, and we often bring in neutral financial and mental health experts. Most importantly, everyone signs a contract agreeing that if the process breaks down and someone goes to court, the entire collaborative team must withdraw. This creates a powerful incentive for everyone to stay at the table and find a solution.

Is Collaborative Divorce public record in NC?

No. Unlike a court trial where every detail is memorialized in public record, the collaborative process happens behind closed doors. This privacy is a cornerstone of maintaining a "safe container" for your family’s transition.

What if my spouse and I can’t agree on anything?

Deadlocks happen—they are a natural part of any major transition. However, collaborative professionals are specifically trained in interest-based negotiation. We move away from "positions" (what you want) to "interests" (why you want it), which often reveals creative paths forward that a judge would never have the time to uncover.

Finding Hope in the Transition

It is a hard day to be a human, especially when your family structure is shifting. But there is a path to wholeness that begins with a choice to be compassionate with yourself and your future. If you’re interested in exploring how the collaborative process might work for your specific circumstances in Western North Carolina, I invite you to reach out to learn more about my services as an MHP. It is one of my great passions in life to support my clients with transitions that they can look back on and feel proud of how they showed up for themselves and their family.

References

Caldwell, K., & Purgason, L. (2021). Relational-Cultural Theory and Trauma-Informed Care in Interdisciplinary Settings. Counseling Connection.
North Carolina General Statutes § 50-70. Collaborative Law.
Springfield, J. (2013). The North Carolina Guide to Collaborative Divorce Proceedings.
Tesler, P. H. (2008). Collaborative Law: Achieving Effective Resolution in Family Law Disputes. American Bar Association.

Additional Links

So, what now?

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WNC Collaborative Law, Explained.